I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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