I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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