good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
