Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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