I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize