i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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