i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Please don't give away my fajitas
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
