Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
