She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
