I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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