how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
