well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
