He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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