I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My ass is underappreciated
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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