I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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