Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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