coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
