I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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