Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
