living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
