sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
