Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
