i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
