my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
