On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
