I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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