The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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