If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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