when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
