Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
