you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
