I wish i was in the wii world.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
