Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
