All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The air was thick with penises
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
