How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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