I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
