just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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