I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
