Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
