Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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