his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
