and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
