The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
