I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
