They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
