do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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