She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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