why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
my nose is crying tears of wow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
