I want to make a zoo with you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
