Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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