is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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