It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
