Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize