The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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