theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
