it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
