Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
