the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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