Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
