does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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