Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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