I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
