when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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