Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
