took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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