you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
