I met the friendliest cop last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
