Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
