apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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