I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
