cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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