I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
