On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
