i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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