Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize