If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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