I got chris browned last night
wrigley field is MILF paradise
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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