I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize