my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize