I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
